Excerpt About Transference

Behaving Towards Another as if He or She is Your Mother

The world of appearance has a certain pattern or flavor for each of us. If you look at yourself over the span of your whole lifetime, you realize that although there have been changes, there are things that do not change. Certain patterns in the way you do things are always repeated; the same kinds of thoughts and preferences persist. You live in a certain groove, determined by your history, and that groove—your personal groove—does not change until its basis is gone. Its basis is the belief that appearance is reality. This belief is the ultimate basis of the existence of the personality and all its problems. You actually walk around believing that you are what you think you are; the only time you do not do this is in deep sleep. This belief has many levels. On the psychological level, whenever you are talking with someone, you behave towards that person as if he or she is your mother. This transference is a distortion; it is not true. But even when you see through the transference, you are assuming something else that might not be true: You are assuming that the other person is a person. You believe you are a person, you believe this is a chair, and this is a rug. You do not question these things. You assume that this is the real truth, the basic truth. But it is only the appearance.

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