Excerpt About Separation

Phases in the Process of Separation
1. Confusion and conflicts about separation and individuation. The confusion is due to not being able to see herself as a separate person. This usually leads to vagueness about identity or self. It is difficult for the ego to have a sense of self when there are no clear and stable boundaries that separate it from the object.......... 2. Feelings of frustration and negativity. The feeling of frustration is the specific aspect that characterizes the negativity in the nondifferentiated representations resulting from negative experiences during the symbiotic stage.......... 3. Besides the fact that it is a natural response to, or development from, frustration, anger seems to be one of the main ways that individuals attempt to separate. Anger gives the individual both a sense of strength and the energy needed for the movement of separation. In anger, one rejects the mother, or at least the negative interaction with her, and thus creates a distance from her..........4. Assertive strength is what actually makes it possible to separate. what is needed is strength and energy that allow one to feel that he can exist on his own, without the mothering support of the object. Anger must give way to the assertion of one's strength and expansive energy, and is often the way to it. Although the process often starts with anger, in the cases where separation actually succeeds, it always ends with the sense of expansive and assertive strength...

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