Excerpt About Loving Kindness

The Element of Our True Nature Necessary for the Self to Tolerate Emotional Hurt

Here, we appreciate Kohut’s emphasis on empathy and acceptance; a kind holding environment is necessary to allow the student to stay with such a deep wound. what is actually needed is the presence of compassion and kindness; these qualities are more fundamental than the presence of one kind of object relation or another. The aspect of Essence we recognize as Loving Kindness is the element of our true nature necessary for the self to tolerate the experience of emotional hurt. The more we are aware of the presence of Loving Kindness, the more our hurt can be uncovered and tolerated. This is like a natural law which we discover when we explore this particular manifestation of Being. The Loving Kindness needs definitely to be present in the holding environment, for instance, in the presence of the teacher. But unless the student herself has some realization of this kindness, it will be almost impossible for her to tolerate the deep hurt of the narcissistic wound. Empathy and empathic mirroring are natural expressions of the presence of Loving Kindness. Loving Kindness is the warmth and openness of heart that makes it possible for us to be genuinely sensitive, considerate, compassionate, and sympathetic, which qualities are the basis of the capacity for empathy.

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