Excerpt About Grandiose Self

The Spark of Being in the Child

We believe that the situation is not as simple as it appears, and that the child is not as delusional as Kohut and Wolfe believe. The child’s grandiosity is not a groundless delusion. There is a deeper reality to the need for admiration and adoration than the need to have a false grandiose self supported. What needs to be seen and loved is not only the external, physical, emotional, and mental manifestations of the child, but more important, his very presence, his true self and identity. This true self, the Essential Identity, is actually what is precious and special in the child. It is the spark of Being in him, the most beautiful, wonderful, magnificent preciousness in his self. It is important and significant because it is the fundamental true nature of his self and the source of his true potential, the source of everything beautiful and majestic in a human being. Given that this is the nature of his being, how can the child feel seen and appreciated if he is not seen as special and precious and amazingly wonderful? The child needs such admiration to make him feel seen and appreciated, because adoration is the appropriate response to the presence of Essence. Anyone who has a clear experience of essential presence will understand this need immediately, because when he beholds this presence he is filled with adoration and exquisite appreciation. This admiring response accurately mirrors the true self, not the grandiose self.

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