Excerpt About Frustrating Object Relation

Functioning With an Infant Identity

We have talked about and worked on two object relations so far: the rejecting object relation and the frustrating object relation.The rejecting object relation fixes you in a place of feeling afraid in the world. This fear makes it difficult for you to function as a mature human being. The frustrating object relation puts you in a position of being a hungry and desirous little kid who wants something he can’t have but always seeks. So you’re either paranoid or a seeker. We’ve talked about how these object relations interfere with dealing with yourself and your life in a mature way because in these two object relations you’re functioning with an infant identity. The rejecting and frustrating object relations have something else in common. You always experience them as bad. They’re negative object relations. One involves enormous fear and hatred, and the other involves lots of frustrated longing and need and desire. When we experience either of these object relations, we always have a sense that something has gone terribly wrong. Both the rejecting object relation and the libidinal, frustrating object relation are usually repressed or split off—parts of the ego that are hidden and need to be seen, understood, and integrated.

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