Excerpt About Fear

Conflict Stimulated by Others Desiring Us

There are fears about the erotic just as there are fears about love. Love is very scary because of how vulnerable we are when we feel it, how undefended, how delicate. But our erotic side, our desire, brings in the animal part of our nature. Our fear about that is partly due to the possibility of rejection by or the loss or unavailability of the other. Yet desire is also a force that can bring us in touch with our sense of power. This can feel good and, on the other hand, it can bring out our aggression, our anger, and our hatred, which we might be afraid of. We can also be scared of the desire and aggression of other people toward us if we show our excitement, our heart, or our desire. So inner conflict can just as easily be stimulated by other people wanting and desiring us. Dealing with either the love or the desire can bring up strong feelings of resistance and defensiveness, along with many other emotions, conflicts, beliefs, and ideas, as well as much of our own personal history. In particular, when we get what we want—or what we don’t want—in the territory of love or desire, what is often evoked is pain, difficulty, and frustration.

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