Excerpt About Father

We Often Become Like Father without Even Knowing It

So far in this exploration of the relationship with father we have seen how we identify with him, how much we become like him. But you need to remember that identification is partially a way to defend against the desire and longing for father; it is a way to feel we have father. If we feel that we have father, we don’t need to feel that we want him and thereby avoid acknowledging our longing for him. But having father means having all the qualities of Brilliancy: a sense of being safe, a sense of intelligence and guidance, a sense of capacity, responsibility, and brilliance. We believe we are getting all of these by becoming like father, which is why we often become like father without even knowing it. There is a deep, inner need for those qualities; and because in one way or another we associate them with father, we believe that the only way to have them is to become like our father. But to be able to truly embody these qualities, you need to see what you really want when you identify with your father in that way. Then, by seeing what you really want with this identification, it is possible for you to regain, or re-own, that part of yourself.

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