Excerpt About Ego Deficiency
One major obstacle we face in living according to the truth is our identification with being inadequate, small, weak, and impotent. We believe that the true life is for big people, for people who are serious and capable. We sit around and wait for the deficient kid to disappear before we start living our life. Usually we’re not even aware of what is in our way. We cover up our core deficiency with all kinds of ideas: I’m not interested; it’s not the right time; it’s not the right situation; the other person is not letting me; I still need to have more experiences of this and that. All of these responses obscure our deep sense that we can’t hack it. Simple as that. We’re not up to it; we haven’t got what it takes. And we’re not truthful enough with ourselves to see that we’re just chicken. To live according to the truth, we need to confront our core sense of deficiency. We need to admit that we’re chicken. Not acting is not a matter of not knowing; we have all the information we need. We’ve been talking,learning, experiencing, and understanding for years. We have a thousand times more information than we need. We simply haven’t got the heart to live according to what we know. We haven’t got the guts. Instead of disguising our deficiency with excuses about money and time, we need to confront the truth of our fear. We feel small and inadequate; we’re chicken and refuse to act. What if we live with that truth for a while instead of believing we’re enlightened but other people are not allowing us to live in an enlightened way? This deep identification with inadequacy is covered up by all kinds of excuses. We think we have to resolve that inadequacy, get rid of it somehow, before we can act in the world. Otherwise, life feels too overwhelming, too big. Most of us put off living according to the truth we know until we feel big enough, strong enough, and adequate enough to act in a more grown up way.