Excerpt About Divine Eros
Part of the difficulty of erotic relationships, especially the sexual ones, is that they can get into a rut. Habitual patterns become established: who is the pursuer and who is the pursued; who is active and who is passive; which one is the giver and which is the receiver; who initiates and who follows. When eroticism is free, when it is divine, it is not fixed; it is always in flux. Sometimes one of you is the active party, pursuing and initiating, and the next day it is the other person. And this can change even in the same interaction. Most people tend to stay in one role, and the other person takes on the opposite role. That is fine and can work for a while, but if it continues that way for too long, desire begins to die away. For erotic love to remain alive and renew itself, a mutual openness that opens the field is needed so that neither person assumes a particular role all the time. Who the active partner is and who is passive; which of you is powerful while the other is vulnerable; who is sweet and who is passionate . . . these roles can shift from one person to the other or you could be both the same way at the same time, at least occasionally.