Excerpt About Blocking Love

Unreal Love Based on Idealization

Yes. If you reject your hatred, split away from your hatred, your love becomes unreal, because it is based on an idealization, an unreality. Usually you will be disappointed at some point. So this is what happens: There is love, it is an idealized relationship, all loving, all wonderful. Everything you see is wonderful: the way your love moves, her eyes, the color of her hair. You can stare at your love for hours and hours. Then one day something happens—the other person does something and you become really hurt and disappointed. You are hurt and disappointed not because of how bad it is that the other person did something, but because that idealized image is destroyed. The other person is not perfect. Then the relationship turns sour. But if you are mature and you have learned how to have a real relationship, you will accept that imperfection. You see that it cannot be wonderful all the time. It was never that way anyway. The person has not really changed. You realize how the capacity for a real relationship is necessary for a long-lasting relationship. There is no long-lasting, satisfying relationship if you can’t have a real relationship. Those mental relationships cannot last very long. They are not real. With the idealized relationship, at some point you will be disappointed. With the negative relationship, at some point it will be too negative and you will have to get out of it. The frustrating one means there is no relationship there anyway; it is just something that you want and cannot have.

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