State Of Separation
"...it is a state of fullness that is characterized by the
following properties:
- It is a Presence, a beingness.
- It has a sense of strength and power. The strength is not
felt as characterizing one's body or sense of self, but is the
Presence itself. This state of Essence is the Presence of Strength...
- The sense of Strength has a feeling of energy in it. It is
an energetic sense of power, a sense of compact excitation and
aliveness. This gives it a feeling of being active, although
it is actually a Presence, and not an activity.
- The Strength as a result, feels assertive or aggressive in
a positive way...
- It has a sense of largeness and expansion. One feels energetically
big, as if one's energy and Presence is much larger than the
dimensions of one's body.
- Capacity: when this aspect of Essence is present one feels
able...
- The actual affect of this state usually has a feeling of
heat. One feels hot all the way through, with a sense of fire
and redness. This again indicates its energetic quality. (The
Pearl Beyond Price, pg 206)
Separation Phases
- Confusion and conflicts about separation and individuation.
The confusion is due to not being able to see herself as a separate
person. This usually leads to vagueness about identity or self.
It is difficult for the ego to have a sense of self when there
are no clear and stable boundaries that separate it from the
object...
- Feelings of frustration and negativity. The feeling of frustration
is the specific aspect that characterizes the negativity in
the nondifferentiated representations resulting from negative
experiences during the symbiotic stage...
- Besides the fact that it is a natural response to, or development
from, frustration, anger seems to be one of the main ways that
individuals attempt to separate. Anger gives the individual
both a sense of strength and the energy needed for the movement
of separation. In anger, one rejects the mother, or at least
the negative interaction with her, and thus creates a distance
from her...
Assertive strength is what actually makes it possible to separate.
What is needed is strength and energy that allow one to feel
that he can exist on his own, without the mothering support
of the object. Anger must give way to the assertion of one's
strength and expensive energy, and is often the way to it. Although
the process often starts with anger, in the cases where separation
actually succeeds, it always ends with the sense of expansive
and assertive strength... (The Pearl Beyond Price, pg 204)
To the ego, separateness means impermeable boundaries, or isolation,
but real separation is something quite different. Real separation
means particularization out of the unity or, for human beings,
individuation. It means recognizing that your true nature is not
determined by external influences. At a deep unconscious level,
it involves separating from mother -- separating in the sense
that who you take yourself to be is not determined by her. This
is not isolating yourself, but rather recognizing your uniqueness
and individuating. (Facets of Unity, pg 105)
