Loss of Essence

We will see instead that it takes a long time, with very powerful influences opposing it, for Essence to finally recede and be buried… The fact is that it takes a hostile and contrary environment, continually and mercilessly rejecting, ignoring and hurting the being of the child, for years on end, before it succumbs to suppression. (Essence, pg 103)

The child’s Essence is always misunderstood, ignored, or rejected, and frequently insulted, trampled and hurt. We are not referring to isolated traumatic experiences only. We mean almost all of the time, in all interactions with the environment and the people in it... We see here the plight of the child - his loneliness and isolation and the hopelessness of his position. For the child is still the Essence, and regardless of how much the parents love their child, they are bound to misunderstand and suppress his being, the Essence. Adults are mostly personality, and no matter how much they try, they will misunderstand and hurt the child’s Essence. (Essence, pg 104)

Regardless of how loving the parents are toward their children, if the personality is the center of their life, the same will happen to the children. They will end up with personality being the center, Essence being buried. (Essence, pg 105)

Loss of essence in the child

The newborn baby is mainly in the state we call the Essence of the Essence, a non-differentiated state of unity. At about three months, the baby is in a “merged” state, which is necessary for the development of the relationship with the mother. After the merged state, strength develops, then value, joy, the Personal Essence, and so on. But, of course, because of interference from and conflict with the environment, this development is only partial. Every time there is painful trauma, there is a lessening of a certain quality of Essence. Which quality is affected depends on the nature and the time of the trauma. Sometimes our strength, sometimes our love, sometimes our self-valuing, or compassion, or joy, or intuition, are hurt, and then, eventually blocked. When a quality of Essence is finally blocked from a person’s experience, what is left in place of that quality is a sense of emptiness, a deficiency, a hole. (Diamond Heart Book 1, pg 47)

When a baby is born, it is pretty much all Essence, or pure being. It’s Essence is not, of course, the same as the Essence of the developed or realized adult. It is a baby’s Essence – non-differentiated, all in a big bundle. As the child grows, the personality starts developing as a result of interactions with the environment and especially with the parents. Since most parents are identified with their personalities and not with their Essence, they do not recognize or encourage the Essence of the child. So, after a few years, the Essence is in fact forgotten, and instead of Essence, personality develops. The Essence is replaced with various identifications. The child identifies with one or other parent, this or that experience, and with all kinds of notions about itself. As the child grows up, these identifications, experiences and notions become consolidated and structured as the personality. The child, and later, the adult, believes this structure is its true self. (Diamond Heart Book 1, pg 3)