False Will

This experience of loss of Will leads to the child trying to get the regulation through the exertion of effort. This he does by trying to control either himself or his environment. This activity of trying, effort and control is the false will that the child starts building. This is, obviously, linked to the building of ego structures, particularly the defensive ones. (The Pearl Beyond Price, pg 303)

The kind of determination that is important for inquiry is not like a bulldozer that pushes through regardless of the situation. We call that "iron will," which is a false, reactive substitute for real Will. Our ego uses iron or false will to make things happen when it is out of touch with the will of the truth. The determination needed in inquiry, on the other hand, is responsive and has a sense of appropriateness and subtlety. As an expression of the White or Silver Diamond of Essence, it is precise and intelligent. It is also flexible, manifesting in accordance with the requirements of the situation. The determination of essential Will can become firm, dense and solid, or it can be fluid and flexible. Sometimes it’s powerful, and at other times it’s delicate and light. (Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg 290)

The soul’s increasing realization of her essential nature spontaneously puts pressure on the structure of separating boundaries, illuminating it and causing the soul to feel an exaggeration of the sense of separateness. One of the ways this inner pressure manifests is that the soul begins to feel constricted, even though she is deeply in touch with her essential nature. She feels limited in a way that causes existential suffering. She longs to be completely essential; she yearns to melt into the sweet juices of essence; but whatever she does, whatever practice she engages in, whatever attitudes she takes, nothing works … at this point the soul may reach the depths of despair about ever being released from the trap of isolation; whatever inner efforts she makes only dig her deeper into this dilemma. Eventually she begins to see the futility of doing anything to free herself, even the spiritual practices of meditation, prayer, concentration, contemplation, inquiry, attention, and so on. Whatever she does is her own individual action, exercising her own will and intention, and it is becoming clear that this is an expression of the dilemma itself. It is all based on her own individual desire. To desire is to be the individual she is, to long and yearn for her freedom is to be the same limited person, and it is this individual that does the spiritual practices and works on herself. This separate person is, in fact, the same individual who wants to surrender, and because she wants to surrender she cannot; for by wanting it she is being the individual who turns out to be inseparable from the separating boundaries of the ego. (Inner Journey Home, pg 271)

One's understanding of what will is changes as one's work progresses. Initially, what we take to be will is the pushing and efforting of the ego in its attempt to make ourselves, others, and reality itself, conform to how we think it should be. We call this false will in our work, and when we inquire fully into it and begin to disidentify from it, a sense of deficiency is exposed that carries with it a feeling of castration. We feel that something is missing, that we are inadequate, that we have no inner support or capacity to persevere. This painful sense of deficiency often manifests as the actual sensation of an emptiness where we know our genitals to be, and they may feel devoid of feeling as we are working through this "hole" or sense of absence. These are all indications that we have lost contact with the essential quality of will, of which fake will is a facsimile, an attempt on the part of the personality to recreate that which it believes it has lost. (Facets of Unity, pg 131